Wouldn’t you agree that happiness can be elusive?
I mean, doesn’t it seem like it’s what we all strive for and yet many of us never find it.
It’s like the tighter you try to grab hold of it, the more we choke it to death and never receive it.
The more you run after it, the further away it seems to get.
The more we search and clamor for it the less likely we’ll find it.
It seems like one of life’s huge paradoxes.
Here’s what I mean:
Work and Happiness
Many times we think I’ll find happiness when I sink my life into my work. So we work 60-70 hours a week to get the big promotion and once we achieve it the happiness wears off and so we look for the next big promotion to work for.
A very interesting display of this was Tom Brady in a 60 Minutes interview talked about his Super Bowl rings and essentially said that he’s been to the top and has still asked himself, “Is this all there is to life?”
People and Happiness
What we really need to be happy is a significant other. So we pursue and chase until we find someone that gives us those warm fuzzies only to realize that a few months later or a few years later those warm fuzzies are gone and we “aren’t happy any more” or we “don’t love them any more”.
I think this is why the divorce rate is upwards of 50% – we think people will make us happy and we are disappointed when they don’t – at that point, we think the answer is to leave.
Health and Happiness
Good health is one of those things you take for granted until it’s gone – and then it’s something we wish we had back.
Many of us pour hours into going to the gym, working out and eating right to help achieve happiness in our health.
But above a certain standard of health – are we really more happy as we get healthier?
Money and Happiness
Will money make us happy? Sure, up to a certain point. It’s fun to make, save and use our money to help others.
But once you reach a certain standard of living where you don’t have to worry about your expenses any more does money really bring that happiness that we’ve wanted?
Things and Happiness
Boats, cars, electronic gadgets, new golf clubs – you name it – will bring a certain amount of happiness, but just like anything else the luster wears off and we are left thinking to ourselves, “I need to buy something new again”.
The Key to Happiness – My Theory
Happiness isn’t derived from health once you are above the minimum standard.
It isn’t wealth after you’ve met a certain standard of living.
It isn’t things after the initial luster has worn off.
It isn’t people if we are using them for our own pleasure and benefit.
Happiness is found in the quality of relationships and the living out of our purpose here on earth.
To create quality in a relationship two things need to happen:
- Time needs to be spent together
- The other person’s needs should be put before your own.
If both people are doing that you develop a great rhythm in relationship with each other.
Yet how do we spend our time?
Are we spending time with the people we love, friends we enjoy hanging out with and people we should be serving or do we have our noses to the grind trying to make something of ourselves?
What are your thoughts?
Do you agree or disagree with my assessment? What is it that makes you most happy?
It’s a well worn cliche, but ‘too much of anything isn’t good for you’.
There probably isn’t any one thing in life that can give us true happiness. Look at so many of the very successful in the world, they’re well known for what it is their famous for, but you find out that the rest of their lives are a wreck.
I think happiness is a choice and a journey. We chose to do things that bring us happiness through the doing of them, not by reaching a certain point. Even if reaching a certain destination in an endeavor does make us happy, it’s usually momentary then we’re looking for the next high.
Balance trumps overkill in seeking happiness.
.-= Kevin@OutOfYourRut´s last blog ..Face the Future Informed and Without Fear =-.
Great post! Many people assume that more money will make them more happy, but often it makes them less happy. Case in point: lottery winners. 80% are worse off 5 years after they win than before. They are less happy as well.
For me, happiness comes from 2 sources:
1. Improving my future
2. Having a great experience each day
But that’s just me. Other people are different.
I think that in general, people find happiness from being fulfilled in their lives. And wasting their existence is a recipe for unhappiness.
.-= George´s last blog ..Weekly Wisdom: The Do-It-Yourself Nation =-.
Kevin, that’s a great point about balance. Things in moderation probably bring more happiness than an addictive behavior to something and then as you say, “looking for the next high”. Good thoughts!
I remember being really shocked when I read research into what annual income was required before it stops making you any happier.
I can’t recall the exact figure, but it wasn’t huge in absolute terms… something like 50% above average incomes, which sounds big, but anyway in the region of £40,000/$60,000, not some crazy banker’s salary.
@George – Thanks for the comment. Sounds like you are relating a bit to Kevin in terms of your journey (or experience) each day providing you some happiness. You’re right, the vast majority of lotter winners wind up miserable and many wished they never won to begin with. I did a post called Wouldn’t It Be Nice to Win the Lottery that talked about that point more.
@Monevator – thanks for your comment! It is interesting that it doesn’t take an enormous salary to make us happy like many would think. After basic needs are met the ratio of happiness to money lowers quite a bit and at some point the more money you have actually can make you less happy.
Jason, I mostly agree with what you’ve said! However I think the true happiness starts with God and yourself. Until you have reached happiness with those things it’s almost impossible to be happy with others.
Jason,
Thanks for addressing a topic that is so relevant. When we look around us, we see people who seemingly have it made, but are not happy. Why? Because happiness cannot be found by seeking it; it is a by product of seeking God. Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and all of these things will be added to you.”
I think happiness is one of “these things” that are added.
.-= Joe Plemon´s last blog ..How to Work Out Settlements With Collectors =-.
I’ve come to believe through life experiences that true, lasting happiness cannot be obtained by work, marriage, children, or any other thing. Happiness and satisfaction comes from devoting yourself to a cause greater than your own desires. Perhaps its to God, perhaps to your family, or a cause you really believe in, or whatever. If you devote yourself to something worthwhile and sacrifice your time towards furthering that cause, happiness will be yours.
In short, I like the quote “Forget yourself and go to work [for a good cause]“. Whenever I’ve been truly happy in life, its never been alone, its always been through touching other peoples’ lives through some form of service.
.-= Eric Poulin´s last blog ..Money Lessons Learned: Kids Allowance =-.
@ Ashley – I’m so glad you made that point. I was hoping someone would bring that up – when I say quality of relationships, as a Christian, I mean my first and foremost relationship is with Jesus Christ.
That relationship is primary and as Joe says, seeking God will result in getting happiness as a by-product. Seeking happiness itself will lead to disappointment.
Great points guys!
@ Eric – Good point about touching others’ lives thru service. In fact, it was Jesus himself who said he didn’t come to be served, but rather to serve and He showed us the ultimate act of service by giving His life that we may have eternal life.
.-= Jason´s last blog ..The Most Costly $7,500 Ever Made – What Would You Do For Money? =-.
I completely agree. For so long I searched for external things to find happiness. I needed to have a dog, then a nice car, a big house, an attractive boyfriend, a thin waist, lots of friends, and as time went on the search for happiness, the ‘thing’ i needed changed. Fortunately I recently realized that if i continued this pursuit of searching for happiness through the accumulation of things or preset standards, I would never find it. I had to reset my mind, stop trying to make something of myself and create a false reality to impress others or maybe just myself?…Instead I became happy. I am happy because it makes other people happy. I am happy because that is the only way I can begin to make a difference in other peoples lives. I choose to be happy because i want other people to be happy.
I highly agree with Venessa. As a christian I believe that following the christian values is what will make you happy. To become/be happy I think it is important that you do not take yourself to seriously, that is you shouldn’t be afraid to do mistakes, but you also shouldn’t be afraid to be right. You shouldn’t be afraid to show your weakness, but not your strength either. I believe that all people have both strengths and weaknesses, but we are are all loved by God even though we are not perfect or even close to perfect. We do mistakes and we have we weak points. But if we aren’t afraid to show our weak points, we accept ourselves and in this way we also accept other peoples imperfections and other people will love us for this and they will start to act in the same way.
I also think it is important to strive to be better, but one shouldn’t be afraid to do mistakes in doing it. You actually learn more from mistakes and you show that you are human, that is not perfect.
If you can love yourself with your imperfections then you can also love others people despite their imperfections.
In essense, not beeing to self-critical, trying to help/love other people and yourself in the same way. trying to improve your self and other people.